Well, pull your hair, & bite your lip… the news came out today!
They've grown again… there's new mass on the field.
‘Roundin' forty, bound for Cooperstown, it's a gynomastic man.

Anyone can understand how Pete Rose feels.

[Chorus:]
Oh, shoot me up, Coach… I'm ready to play today.
Shoot me up, Coach… I'm ready to play today.
Look at me… I can be Major League.

Too much testosterone has shrunk my stones, but made me fast and strong.
You know I may be old but I haven’t lost a step.
So screw Bud Selig, tell BALCO, and Brian McNamee…
Bonds say it ain’t so… We know you’re in “The Clear”.

[Chorus]
Oh, shoot me up, Coach… I'm ready to play today.
Shoot me up, Coach… I'm ready to play today.
Look at me… I can be Major League.

Yeah! I shot it, I shot it!

Got a juiced up ball, a corked up bat, and a buff enhanced physique.
You know it took some time for the ‘roids to stretch my hide.
Our careers are long as the records fall… marked by asterisks.
 Ol’ Hammerin’ Hank can kiss this one goodbye!!!

[Chorus x2]

Oh, shoot me up, Coach… I'm ready to play today.
Shoot me up, Coach… I'm ready to play today.
Look at me… I can be Major League.

Yeah!